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Divorce Mediation Blog

Mutually Acceptable Solutions can be Reached through Family Mediation

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Family decision-making can be very difficult, and sometimes situations get out of hand. When perspective becomes scarce and it is hard to see the forest for the trees, whether it be an elder care matter, a dispute over a will, a divorce, attempting to prevent a divorce or difficult parenting situation, it can be the right decision to bring in mediators or arbitrators.

Family mediation means that a neutral, trained professional will work with the parties involved in the family conflict to discuss all of the issues and to explore the possible options for settlement, and to identify solutions that best meet the needs of all persons involved. Facilitated negotiation is the path to resolution.

Mediation is a voluntary, confidential process in which we help both or all parties to identify and discuss issues of mutual concern. Together we will explore various solutions and develop a settlement that is acceptable to all or both of the parties.

Sometimes parties need mediation followed by arbitration, because resolution by agreement proves elusive. We call that Med/Arb. This is a confidential process in which we help both or all parties to identify and discuss issues that of concern. It is our job to help all parties explore various solutions and decide on a settlement with which all concerned can live. If the mediation does not succeed, we “switch hats” and make a decision for the parties, out-of-court an in a timely and cost-effective way.

 

Divorcing Parties Playing Against Type - Don’t Do It

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Recently, we spent a Sunday evening at a new Easthampton, MA business: a “free movie” venue called “Popcorn Noir”. This creative venture offers gourmet popcorn, snacks, dinner, hot cider; and intimate seating for 20 or so lucky viewers. Members pay a modest annual fee to have access to this storefront treasure with vintage films.

We watched the Billy Wilder-directed Fred McMurray and Barbara Stanwyck classic “Double Indemnity”, from 1944. A film student introduced the show with the comment that one thing that made this noir piece so effective was that every actor played “against type”. For those of us who grew up with McMurray on “My Three Sons” (most of us) knew exactly what she meant. She also described the coming feature as a tale of three people enmeshed in a spiral of events of mutual destruction, leaving them all dead.

This all got me thinking (after the show) about divorce mediation! Divorce lawyers like to tell prospective clients that criminal lawyers see bad people on their best behavior while family law clients are “good people at their worst”. This cliché is largely geared towards providing cover to the upset spouse for out-of-control feelings and decisions, but there is also truth to this stereotype. Many people react to the crucible of stress, worry and fear of impending divorce in ways that lead them to make quick decisions that yield far-reaching and long-term effects on families, sometimes quite negative. As friends and family urge the spouses to “protect” themselves (and their children) from each other, they are often inclined to accept the most aggressive lawyers and advice, and the most assertive processes that they can find..

Sometimes this advice is absolutely on the mark, and there is no good choice but to lawyer up and get to court. But, too often, this just sets a tone of heightened confrontation, crushing costs and lost years of litigation, when calm reflection and facilitated discussion might serve the family more effectively, leaving people in a place where their ability to cooperate is less damaged and sometimes even enhanced. There is a reason that the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court requires lawyers to discuss alternative dispute resolution options with clients before filing suit,. But we suspect that this rule is honored far more in the breach that in its careful and enthusiastic observance, as many lawyers perceive litigation as the “only way” to go.

Good people in crisis should not play against type. Beginning divorce with an arms race when unnecessary consigns the family to a spiral of controversy and financial calamity, when reflection and facilitated negotiation are likely to be less expensive, less antagonistic and more constructive than the alternative. Divorce does not have to be all noir. It can be seen as a transition: to be managed and experienced as an honest, direct and personalized process in which people “play” themselves, and not the mythical “worst behavior” caricature.

Mediation is not for everyone. But, almost everyone should at least consider it – seriously.

 

What is Arb/Med?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Mediation is the facilitated negotiation of agreements between parties to a dispute. In divorce, for example, a mediator sits with the spouses, or the spouses and their lawyers, and works through the issues that are necessary to “settle” the case, and lead to a written and signed agreement. In a will contest or a damages case, the mediator may help the parties come to agreement on a “number” to be paid by one party to another. The parties themselves are the final decision-makers. The lawyers advise. The mediator supplies the environment in which the parties have an enhanced opportunity to speak, listen directly to each other; and the mediator intervenes as appropriate to inquire, to support, to inform, to provide focus and to generate ideas.

Arbitration, by contrast, is a process that is used when the parties cannot reach agreement themselves. They ask the arbitrator to make the decision for them after a “hearing” at which the parties and/or their lawyers give the arbitrator information that is generally called “evidence”. This includes the oral or written statements of witnesses by formal or informal means, and relevant documents. The arbitrator then writes and issues what is known as an “award”. The award is then usually brought to court for confirmation and a concluding court order, generally called a “judgment” or a “decree”.

Both mediation and arbitration are out-of-court processes that Levine Dispute Resolution Center LLC (LDRC) provides.

So, what is “med/arb”? It is a solution that people choose when they really want to try to achieve a negotiated settlement, but are determined to obtain finality in a timely and efficient way, even if their facilitated negotiated does not result in an agreement. People agree at the beginning that the same person will work as a mediator first to attempt to resolve matters by agreement, but if it fails, the mediator will “change hats”, and make a decision. Sometimes, the mediator turned arbitrator simply makes a decision with the information gained in preparation for and during the mediation phase; and at other times, after a follow up hearing.

Two common examples that are similar to this are called “parent coordination” and “discovery master” proceedings. In the former, the PC’s job is to try to stimulate agreement, but will make an ultimate decision, subject to court review, if the disputing parents cannot agree. In the latter, the master tries to get lawyers to settle on how information will be exchanged in litigation, but makes a “recommendation” for a solution if they do not ultimately agree. Then a judge enters an “order” if he or she agrees with the master’s recommendation. Med/arb is broader and is intended to be final (see our earlier blog post about arbitration of child custody and child support matters regarding some limitations.) It can apply to any kind of dispute, large or small. A judge cannot order it without the parties’ consent. It can be quite efficient, though some people worry about the arbitrator’s judgment being swayed by what he or she heard from the parties during the mediation phase, from information that was given less formally and maybe less reliably in the mediation stage than might be required in arbitration. The parties need to consider this and plan their rules and process to provide the protections that they feel they need. Remember, the parties make the rules in these private, consensual forms of dispute resolution.

An interesting variant of med/arb is called “arb/med”. We will talk about this in a subsequent blog post.

 



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