As Christmas approaches, I am drawn to the sad irony that some of the impending happy gifts between spouses may someday turn to bitter lemons, riven by sour grapes in divorce. While none of us can make lemonade out this sad fruit salad, we can help make it all a bit easier for our parties in divorce mediation by giving them ideas of how to take some of the emotion out of this transaction, which is frequently (and intentionally) the last issue tackled, packing one last punch to the gut of the negotiating parties.
Our colleague and friend, David Hoffman of Boston Law Collaborative has synthesized a host of ways to offer people ways out of the worst of this last insult, in his recent piece “Fair and Square…” in Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly. With David’s permission, I am linking it here as a between-the-holidays guest blog. We have all implemented some, but undoubtedly not all of David’s strategies in the past, and it is really great to have it all under one headline, both as a refresher and as and a fantastic handout for mediating spouses.
Sometimes the parties will select one of these processes. They are all interesting, useful and clever.
More often than not, the tired spouses will say, “Really? Do we really have to do this?” Most of the time, they will then figure out how to swallow enough pride and hurt to adopt their own “good enough” solution, which is usually good enough to end this unique form of pain.