781.708.4445

info@levinedisputeresolution.com

Divorce Mediation Blog

It's not a world war, after all

Thursday, September 17, 2015

One of us has been listening to a multipart podcast about the First World War. The podcast may be as long as the war itself, but it makes a workout seem quick, by comparison!

In describing the siege that took hold in the fall and winter of 1914-1915, the narrator describes the phenomenon of European powers having invested so much in blood and treasure that no one was willing to consider any form of withdrawal from the winter stalemate, let alone a nuanced solution to the conflict.

This description resonated with many seemingly endless experiences of clients who enter into divorce litigation with black-and-white views, and goals to match. Sometimes, like quicksand, the deeper the descent, the stronger the pull. The more invested, the less the inclination to compromise. As time and costs increase, perspective, empathy and the ability to listen to, let alone hear or consider the “opponent’s” point of view, diminishes proportionately.

Until, that is, someone is broke or broken, or the clock runs out.

The comparison between divorce litigation and the conflict that introduced a level of lethality previously unknown to human warfare is fraught, to be sure. Divorce litigation almost never kills anyone. Too often, it does, however, diminish people, their coffers, their ability to co-parent and their dignity. Strategy and tactics replace perspective and understanding.

In our practice, we mostly see people avoid the carnage, and we work with many who are in the midst of it and are looking for a way out, sometimes desperately. We preach, at all times, the need for clients to be wary of conflict, and to review every stage of their divorce matter from the perspective of cost-effectiveness, both financial and relational.

Most listen; some cannot. For the unfortunate few with whom we work who cannot, many are condemned to ignore Santayana and reenact their own personal version of the European siege one hundred years ago. The hope that these numbers will become fewer and fewer motivates us to do keep at it, every day.



Get e-mail notifications of new blog posts! Enter email address below.:



Delivered by FeedBurner

other articles


recent posts


tags

dispute resolution divorce process Massachusetts Alimony Reform Act alimony Massachusetts divorce mediators family law Baseball Players lawyer Twinkies med-arb divorced MLB labor agreement Levine Dispute Resolutions General term alimony divorce and family law mediators Family Law Arbitration alimony statute Massachusetts lawyers family and probate law disputes separation arbitrators divorce mediations Massachusetts alimony Boston IRC §2704 divorce lawyers family mediation divorce arbitrators divorce arbitrator Levine Dispute Resolution Center how baseball arbitration works Levine Dispute Resolution Center LLC Cohabitation divorce agreement family support Self-adjusting alimony orders traditional negotiations Act Reforming Alimony in the Commonwealth family law mediation mediations support orders conciliation alimony orders pre-ARA alimony Alimony Reform Act health coverage child support Obamacare Divorce Agreements lawyer-attended mediation alimony reform legislation annulment rehabilitative alimony The Seven Sins of Alimony medical benefits divorce judgment mediation LDRC Massachusetts alimony and child support divorce mediators Defense of Marriage Act mediator Levine Dispute Resolution Baseball COLA Divorce family law arbitrator Major League Baseball Arbitration special master arbitration Matrimonial Arbitration resolve disputes Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly divorce litigation Child Support Guidelines Uniform Arbitration Act DOMA litigation disputes Same Sex Marriage Chouteau Levine self-adjusting alimony fraud alimony law high-risk methodology mediators divorce mediator arbitrator lawyers private dispute resolution med/arb Massachusetts divorce arbitration SJC family law arbitrators divorce and family law health insurance facilitated negotiations Baseball Arbitration divorce mediation